Mind Over Matter

Do you believe in that statement? I always heard people in my parents’ generation using the phrase, but I didn’t pay much attention. In fact, I never even believed it. How could your thinking overtake your doing? Even as an adult, I couldn’t accept the notion. No amount of brain action could ever influence our actions… or so I truly believed.

Now I’m faced with reconsidering the whole construct. I’m not saying that I can always mentally force myself to physically do something, but it does happen. I’m no mentalist, psychic, or magician, but more and more I’m finding that my frame of mind often directs what I do or how I do it. Here are some examples:

I usually have no problems getting in or out of the car. Yet, a while ago, I began to think I couldn’t lift my leg into the car. So, I used my hand to help with the lifting. It became a routine, and I was accustomed to the necessary action. Then I began to believe that my leg may be getting too heavy to lift, or my good leg couldn’t support me, or my hand holding the car door may slip off and I’d fall. These are all false beliefs – that is they never, and probably won’t, happen. I just perceive these results. Unfortunately, once I think it, I can’t do it. I must sit sideways on the car seat and let my husband lift my legs into the car. However, if I think that moving into the car is just a simple function, and if I don’t let the doubts niggle at me, I can easily get in and out.

The same thing was happening at bedtime. I convinced myself that I was too [exhausted, uncoordinated, weak – fill in the blank] to lift my leg into bed. Once I thought it, I struggled so hard, but I just couldn’t do it. My husband had to help me. Now, believe me when I say that none of the excuses were valid enough to hinder my getting into bed. But I believed it and it happened.

The shower entry and exit have always been difficult, but I CAN do it. So why do I allow the negativity to take over? I need to purposefully talk myself into being able to accomplish the task, or else I fail. Or better yet, I try to concentrate on something else – what scent of shower gel I’ll use, remembering to moisturize, last night’s TV show, whatever. Then, I can accomplish the task with no problem at all.

So, is this really a case of ‘mind over matter,’ or am I just fooling myself. I tend to choose the former because I’ve seen it happen over and over. Wouldn’t it be great if I could ideate and get rid of the MS? Even better, I could teach others to do the same! I think if that ever happened, Big Pharma would hire a hitman to off me!

Peace,

Muff

Time Out

I’m leaving in a little while to visit an old friend. I know I’ve mentioned before that we used to have a nun at our church who cared for the pastoral needs of the sick and dying. She, herself, got sick and was forced to retire. She now lives in the sisters’ retirement home just outside of Philadelphia. We went to see her a few months ago, and I know she loves to have company. When she called to wish me a Happy Mothers’ Day, I told her we’d visit her soon. So, my husband, my girlfriend, and I will spend some time with her.

She’ll want to hear all our news (and gossip,) and we’ll have a good time. I’m taking her some homemade cookies, which I know she’ll pass around to her friends. I also know I’ll be tired from the ride, the visit, and the moving around. But that’s the good kind of tired, and I don’t mind it.

So, I’m keeping this short so I can wrap up the cookies, get my junk together, and take off. I’ll be back here tomorrow with an interesting question. Do you believe in mind over matter? Give it some thought.

Peace,

Muff

It Really Was a Good Day!

You know how salespeople say, “Have a good day!” even though they really don’t think about it?  I always respond, “Thanks. You, too,”  and I guess I’m saying it without meaning it, as well. Yesterday, several people I encountered said it to me, and in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, “Will it really BE good?” I fretted about it being a “too much” day, but in the end, all was well.

For some reason I was doing my snail walk yesterday morning, and I don’t know why. I hadn’t overdone, I got a good night’s sleep, and my routine hadn’t changed. But that’s one of the things I *love* about MS – it’s always a surprise party. So, despite being slow, I had a full day ahead, and I chose to ignore my sluggishness. At church, several friends stopped to talk, and while I love it, I also pick up on their furtive glances to assess how I’ve declined.

Then it was off to see my mother and give her the prepared lunch. She’s on her string of antibiotics in anticipation of the upcoming surgery, and she was bright and chipper. She said she was hungry, and then she ate everything on her tray! That perked me up a lot to see her having an especially good day. Then we went zipping home. I had made the macaroni salad and ambrosia, and both were packed in travelling plastic containers, ready to be placed on ice in the cooler. I grabbed all my essentials, hubby took the pup for a run, and the three of us headed to my daughter’s home.

My son gave the two dads a day off and did all the grilling. They had steaks for the guys, veggie burgers for my daughter, and turkey hot dogs for the little guy and me. (The littler little guy just eats bits from everyone else!) My daughter made a tossed salad, and we had several sauces. Originally, we planned to eat on the deck, but threatening skies convinced us to move indoors. (A wise move since the storm came on quickly. It was short in duration, though.) After dessert, we played some more with the two little ones, the two big dogs, and the puppy. The dads had opened their gifts, and everyone was in a great mood.

I was grateful that my MonSter was well behaved for a change. I can remember times when I was so limpy gimpy that I had to just sit while the others moved around me. I would be running to the potty more times than usual. And as a result, I’d be in a down mood, just pasting on a smile to fool everyone. Yesterday, there was no play acting – I really did feel fine!

I realized as we drove home, that it really had been a great day. I wasn’t overly tired, I had been able to help a little, we were with my kids and grandkids, and I was basking in a happy glow. If only all my days could be as “normal” as that!

Peace,

Muff

You Just Don't Get It!

Do you ever feel the need to explain to others how you really feel? I know – most people don’t want to hear or understand. Yet, sometimes I get so frustrated, that I really want to say how things really are. Yes, I look fine, I speak well, and I appear to be normal.  So that throws off onlookers if I say (while sitting, of course) that I have difficulty walking, or I can’t use my right hand, or I get very fatigued.  With the first two, I need only stand or try to use my hand, and the point is driven home. That’s not always the case with the fatigue issue.

If I say that my fatigue gets so bad that I can hardly function, invariably the listener tries to empathize. “Oh, I know what you mean. I get so tired after work that I could just fall asleep.” That’s when I want to jump in and say, “But are you exhausted shortly after you wake up in the morning? Do you need nap after your shower? Does fatigue weigh so heavily on you that you can’t put one foot in front of the other?” Of course, I don’t say those things, but I want to do so. One time I did, and the other person looked at me as if I were crazy.

I’d like to videotape myself one day so I could show people what true exhaustion is. Getting out of bed each day is an effort and I wobble on legs that scream for more rest. However, even more sleep won’t get rid of the feeling. Going through simple morning routines takes on Herculean proportions. I must make sure the shower water is tepid – too hot and my neurological system goes haywire, too cool and my muscles spasm and jerk. Getting dressed must be done while sitting on my stool or I’d never have the strength to do it. Applying small daubs of make-up can force me to take another rest. Forget making the bed – I’d topple from all that movement. After an hour, I’m ready to go downstairs – another fatigue-producing venture. How can fourteen steps do me in?

Once I’m down and seated at my desk in the den, I can begin to get a little rested. I eat and drink my coffee in there to save me steps. After an hour, I feel better equipped to stand and walk back to the family room. More sitting and a light lunch will supply more strength, and I can wobble to the car and be driven to my mother’s. But don’t let those few moves sound simple. I have to hand the walker to my husband, while I go down three outdoor steps, clinging to the iron railing. For me, it’s twenty slow steps to the car, but I feel each one intensely. I have to try three or four times to get my legs into the car, and sometimes my husband has to lift them in. The fifteen/twenty minute ride starts to revive me, but then I have to exert more energy to get out of the car. Fortunately, my husband pushes me in the transport wheelchair into and through the complex, and I can transfer to an armchair once we reach the Florida room.

Reverse all that for the ride home, but put emphasis on that difficult chore of going up the outside steps – much harder than going down. By 4:00, I need to take a small (twenty minute) power nap to once again rejuvenate me. Walking, moving, anything after that is a chore. When I try to ascend the stairs at bedtime, I compare it to mountain climbing. Again, it takes three or four tries to get into bed, and at times I need help.

Is it any wonder that I’m always feeling fatigued? But I can’t explain it to those who don’t experience it. So, instead of telling them they don’t understand, I just smile and keep quiet.  If they don’t “get it,” well, that’s fine, too.

Peace,

Muff

Friday Fragments

Another week rolled by too quickly, and here I am, once again, with my little tidbits.

The Storm: …never happened!!

The Party:  Even though I was rushed and anxious, everything turned out well. My daughter arrived with the little ones an hour and a half later than she thought – one can never predict when babies decide to nap for two hours! We quickly got the little guys fed, packed up the cooler, and took off. I asked the hairdresser to take a longer time with the birthday girl, so I could get everything ready. I put a white lace tablecloth down, and I used all yellow paper ware. The cake was lemon-vanilla Bundt, which I glazed and decorated with sugar-dried lemon slices. We brought lemonade for the beverage and had vanilla ice cream. The activity girl got yellow and white balloons, and everything looked festive. We sang Happy Birthday when she arrived, and she was surprised and thrilled that we had remembered. I baked blondies for her and gave her some shower gel, hand cream, and bath powder, all wrapped in a yellow bag. The activity girl gave her a beautiful magnifying glass. Her brother-in-law came to join us, and while we were there, she received two dozen red roses from her nephew in DC. She opened all her gifts, we handed out the cake and ice cream, and everyone had a good time. The two little guys had a ball, and that made her happy, too. So, everything ended well!

Mother: The doctors now feel a nephrostomy is not the way to go. They’re going to give her a run of antibiotics and try to break up the stone. Hopefully, there won’t be a repeat of the septic shock. She’ll go in for the surgery on the 27^th (ironically my deceased brother’s birthday.) I’m trying to stay positive, but little worries still creep in.

Cooking:  My daughter is hosting Fathers Day, but I said I’d help. My son will man the grill, and if the weather is nice, we’ll eat on the deck. I’m making macaroni salad and ambrosia. The former will have celery, cucumbers, and tomatoes with a dressing. The ambrosia will incorporate all fresh fruits (cantaloupe, strawberries, pears, grapes, blueberries, and raspberries,) and I’ll make the cream from sour cream and cool whip. The guys don’t like coconut, so I’ll omit that. My husband gets the lion’s share of work – he has to cut up all the fruits and veggies!

Books:  I read The Pretty One by Lucinda Rosenfeld, and it was good. If you have a sister[s], you’ll enjoy the various relationship stories. Now I’m reading Fly Away by Kristin Hannah. It’s the sequel to Firefly Lane which I enjoyed so much. I still have books on order, and I hope they arrive next week. If not, I want to re-read The Great Gatsby [for the umpteenth time!]  I did my Master’s thesis on F. Scott Fitzgerald, and that novel played largely in my writing. I used to drive up to Princeton Univ. [about 50 minutes away] and work in their archives room, where Fitzgerald’s works are housed. Now that there’s a new screen version, I thought it would be a good time to do another perusal.

Puppy:  Once again we’re puppy sitting for Kasey, while my son travels to Portland, ME, for a bachelor party. His oldest friend, with whom he shares a house, is getting married in September, and all the guys are renting a house and doing a four-day party. Kasey will get to meet Cinnamon on Sunday.

Well, that’s all for now -- I’ll be back with more next week.

Peace,

Muff

Scary Day

Remember how I recently wrote that we *never* get tornadoes around here? Well, smack my face because, once again, I tempted fate. On Monday, a tornado, albeit a small one, touched down in Newark, DE, a mere 35 minutes away. Several homes were destroyed, and a great many huge trees were uprooted. So, I take back what I said. (I’m aiming to appease the weather gods!)

Now, the meteorologists say we may be under a “derecho” warning. From what I understand, that’s Spanish for “direct,” or “straight.” While tornadoes spin and twist, derecho winds hit directly. Wiki describes it as:

a widespread, long-lived, straight-line wind storm that is associated with a fast-moving band of severe thunderstorms.

National forecasters say:

         A derecho is a widespread, long-lived wind storm associated with a band or shelf of rapidly moving thunderstorms.

By definition, a derecho has to be at least 240 miles long and have winds of at least 58 miles per hour. However, meteorologist Howard Bernstein says many classic derechos have winds that can top 100 miles per hour, causing extensive damage, leading to massive power outages and toppling tons of trees.

"It's a cluster of thunderstorms that congeal into a line, and that line will then start moving east or southeast, and as it progresses the winds increase and produce damage along that path," said Jim Keeney, weather program manager at the National Weather Service's office in Kansas City, Mo.

"A tornado, when it does occur, may be on the magnitude of a mile or two wide; a derecho could go for hundreds of miles producing significant damage so winds in excess of 75 miles or greater and could run for hundreds of miles," said Keeney. "A lot of people can be impacted by derechos; tornadoes are more smaller  [sic] in scale."

 

This is how a derecho looks.

Earlier, we had a moderate thunderstorm, but the skies were as black as night! I needed a light on just to make my way down the hallways upstairs. When I looked out the windows, I’d swear it was late evening. Then the rains stopped, the thunder and lightning eased, and now the sun is out. However, I know more storms are on the way. The latest predictions call for patches of sun from now until mid-afternoon, and then even heavier storms with winds and hail.

I’ll see how the weather is before I go to visit my mom because flash foods are also in the picture. My boys are supposed to come for our regular Thursday dinner, then my husband will drive the one son back to Philly and pick up the pup. I’m hoping the storms hold off until after all that takes place.

 

See that red box?  I'm in the middle of it!!

For me, storms are always scary, but for some reason, this one has me really frightened! Maybe it will pass us by…

Peace,

Muff

Party Time!

I was finally able to finalize some dates, and we’re having the birthday party for our friend at my mother’s home TODAY!! The baking is finished, but I still have to wrap the gift and get everything packed. My daughter is bringing up the little guys for the celebration, and we should have a good time. So, I’ll get back to answering comments, writing a new post, and reading/commenting on other blogs once I get past the party time!!

Peace,

Muff